Day 167, Budapest

Back in Budapest, my second home. I wont take too much time to write, as I'm quite tired and will head to bed in a second. I'm safe, I'm settled, Im not ready to pack again and head home on Saturday. Its crazy being back in civilzation again, after so long in Egypt and India. Being able to drink tap water, not having to worry about whether or not there is water to shower with, being able to read the menus at restaurants. So nice.

I arrived last Saturday, and have had meeting after meeting since I've been here. There are so many stories to tell to so many people. I have been constantly doing something ever since I have arrived. This had made it pretty difficult to find time to just talk with God....In India I HAD to depend on Him to provide for us and our needs, to speak through us, to go before us and prepare us. I was contantly in prayer because I needed to...I HAD to, or our ministry would nosedive. Once arriving here in Budapest, there was no long the NEED to pray so much or read or seek His guidance....or so I thought. With the crazy schedule and all the friends I hadn't seen in so long buzzing at my "to do" list, my devotional time took the back burner. After a few days of back burner devotions I had an interesting feeling.... All day I just didn't feel right, I kept thinking, "I really need to pray for a while....I really need to read some....". All day this was on my mind as I traveled through the city to and from different places. I was aware I needed to get away for a bit to spend some time with God. That night I found this time. As I sat down I felt relaxed, finally. I picked up my little leather journal and began writing my prayer, (I write most of my prayers). After the first few sentenced I put the pen down and moved the journal so the tears wouldn't spot the page. What was happening? It hit me like a brick, one of the most beautiful revelations of my life. I looked back over the last few sentences and smiled. I had seen those words before, I had written them before, but never to God...

"I have realized how easy it is to put my relationship with You on the back burner. This worries me. I don't want to just have 'prayer' times, I desire to be in constant conversation with You. I dont want my life to be about just me...when I think about my life, I want to think about me AND You. I desire for You to be a huge part of my everyday...I can't live without You. I've begun to fall in love with You. Its been a few days since I have had a deep conversation with You, and today I've had this sinking feeling in my heart much like you get when your loved one had been away for a while and you dont feel 'whole'. I have to have time with You or I don't feel complete....I miss You"

I realized that I had written those words to someone I was in love with, and the sinking feeling was very similar.... I began to realize that not only did I love God.....but I've fallen IN love with Him.... to the point when I don't feel "whole" when I haven't had some time with Him in a while. It is an amazing feeling to be able to come to such a realization. Its like when you spend a lot of time with someone, and they grow on you, and you love them....then you realize that you are IN love with the person and you get those butterflies in your stomach when you think about it and you keep repeating "The Phrase" over and over in your mind because its amazing to think about, and it feels good to hear yourself say it...you know the phrase, you have all said it........"I'm in love......I...I....I can't believe.....I....I have actually fallen in love with this guy/girl". Its not a choice you made, its not something you are forced into....its that amazing realization that you HAVE been in love for a while and have only noticed it just then. So this was an amazing part of my week, to realize that my relationship with the Lord has gone past the stage of viewing Him as the bearded guy in white with His arms open in poorly painted pictures in old wooden frames in church lobbies, to the God I have fallen in love with, Who I enjoy having a cup of coffee with, Who actually cares about all the little things in my life, Who 'completes' my day.

So I have one more day here in Budapest, then leave early the next morning. I am excited to come home.