"Did they do that when they took you down from the cross?"

So last year at Easter our church had a drama and I was asked to play the role of Jesus.  "Uh, yeah.......sure..."  Im not sure if I was allowed to turn down the role, I mean, surely that has to be some kind of sin.  So I said yes and went along with it.  To make the play "real" looking, they commissioned my brother to be the guard that drags Jesus to the cross and nails him to it.  Real funny guys.   I stood backstage as they poured fake blood all over my shirtless torso and arms and painted bruises all over me.  My intro was from the back.....on all fours, with a rope tied around my neck..........Zack was at the other side of the rope, dragging me to the cross.  He played his role VERY well.  It was very realistic and I can understand why the little blonde boy watching thought I was actually nailed to the cross.  As my brother and the other guard kicked and shoved and dragged me to the cross I had an experience that I believe one can only experience in a situation similar to that one, thats a story for another day.  Anyways, up on the cross I went, the nails were hammered in, I hung, and breathed the last breath, only later to make another appearance in white. End of story, yadda yadda yadda.

For months after this, the little blonde boy was deathly afraid of me.  I would see him come running through church, catch a glimpse of me, stop, and turn the other way and take off.  I learned from his mother that he actually believed I was nailed to the cross, and burned in anger towards the ones who put me there. hehe.  I found it a little humorous at first.  When he was in his mother's arms he would talk, mostly ask questions, "Did it hurt when they put you up there?" "Why did they do that?"  His questions were so innocent, and I took the moment as an opportunity to say things about how I did it to pay for your sins and other cheesy Christian phrases, hoping to sear them into his mind, JESUS DIED FOR ME......JESUS PAID FOR MY SINS......JESUS LOVES ME THAT MUCH....... I hoped that would forever be on his mind, but it began to look like it wasn't.......it was ME he saw up there, not Jesus.  And thats how he understood it.  After a while I showed him my hands and tried to explain to him that it wasn't real, that I wasn't hurt and I was just an actor.  He couldn't wrap his mind around it.  The months ticked by, I left for Budapest and came back 6 months later and there he was.  I began to work with his father and would see him from time to time.  Trying to overcome his fear of me, I began to hold my hand out whenever I saw him, offering a high-five.  The first few times he shied away timidly but eventually he grew accustomed to it.  We high-fived.  Finally, after a year of him fearing me, he had finally grown out of his belief that I was a supernatural being who had been hung on the cross and lived to tell about it.  Whenever I would show up to his house to head to work with his father I would see his blonde head pop up in the window looking out over the trucks, waving goodbye.  When we returned from work he would be outside, and this is where our conversations began.   

One day I was talking with his father on the way to work and he told me that his son likes to play "work", and he always asks to be me....... Something churned inside me, I knew there was more to the story and that I would return to this conversation many times to look it over.   "He always wants to be Nyk" "Dad, can I be Nyk?"........ The whole situation seem unbelievable to me.  I had no idea he thought so highly of me, I thought he was deathly afraid of me.....  I would catch him after work in the driveway and he would come talk to me.  He would tell me ALL about him and what he can do.  "I learned how to do this....." and then he would take me into the garage and show me his new skill.  "You want to see?" was always his question.  "You want to see?"........."Of course" I'd reply.  

Just the other day I was speaking with his father in the driveway when he came walking out of the garage.  His father was saying something about how the boy talks about me or tries to act like me or something like that, I can't remember, but I decided to pay special attention to him for a while to see if there was more to this than I was noticing.  The boy started talking to me, telling me about something new of his and he wanted to show me.  I sat on the ground to pet their new puppy, the boy sat there watching.  I put my keys on the ground to play with the puppy.  He said, "You got keys?  I got keys, inside, can I get em, you wanna see my keys? I got keys too."  I was floored..... this kid wants me to see everything about him that resembles................me....  After dashing inside and returning he sat on the ground and just watched me.....  After a couple minutes of me toying around with the puppy, his hand reached up to my face to touch the bar I have through my eyebrow.  "He just touched my....face" I thought.  I look curiously at him and he asked, "Whats that?"  

"Thats an eyebrow ring"  

"How did they do that?" 

 "Well....uh.....then pinched my eyebrow and then stuck a needle through it then put this bar in it."  

"Did it hurt?"

"A little"

"Did they do that when they took you down from the cross?"

Something caught in my throat........this kid still thought that was real..... It wasn't something that he thought of occasionally, it was something that was always on his mind when I was around.  He was cross-focused.  The cross was central to his relationship with me, and everything he did and said to me he did with awe.  There is something about this that wont leave me alone, something about the Kingdom is reflected in this situation that is so true, so real, and I love it.  The story still continues, I still see this boy, and I'm sure I'll have more stories.....

"Did they do that when they took you down from the cross?"

We should all be more like Grandma's house.....

White lines from the road reflected off the window as we drove..... I have this unusual habit of tapping my teeth ever-so-silently keeping time with the lines as they methodically passed by.  My Bible sat unopened on the seat next to me.... I didn't want to put it in my bag, but I knew I had no intention of reading it on the road..... no, my mind was..... elsewhere.

The hours sailed by much like the white lines, finally pulling our vehicle into the familiar driveway of my grandparent's house is Maryland.  They have lived in the same house since I was born.  I eyed the front lawn in the darkness, flooding my memory with countless images of my childhood visits.  I tossed my bag over my shoulder and walked through the front door, instinctively slipping off my shoes before continuing into the kitchen.  The same dolls stared at me through their glass prison on the shelf, showing little enthusiasm at my return.  It had been almost two years since I had visited my grandparents, and yet nothing seemed to have skipped a beat.  The house was warm, inviting, and most of all..... one of the most familiar places I know.  I have moved 6 or so times since my entry into this world.... but their home has been constant.  I arrived too late for them to still be up,  so after a quick glance into the refrigerator (to satiate my hunger to know if they still carried all the same things they ALWAYS house in their icebox, which they did) I headed down the stairs and camped out on the couch.  

The next morning I found my way up the stairs and into the kitchen where my grandfather sat in "his chair" at the table, the crossword puzzle from the daily paper resting half-filled on the table in front of him.  My grandmother made her way around the room to hug me, and my grandfather stood to do the same.  "Nick-Nack" he laughed as his arms wrapped around me, a name he coined for me when I was a child.

I sat at the table and had a look around the room.  Everything was in its place, aside from a few new additions here and there.  My grandparents have the amazing ability to add/update little things around their home, and yet still maintain the same exact atmosphere.  Change is good....

"Who left the light on downstairs?" my grandmother's voice sounded down the hall.

I stifled a smile.... I love that my grandmother never changes!  I poured a glass of sweet tea and leaned back in the chair, taking it all in.  The thing I love about my grandparent's house is that it is always the same and always different and you never tire of it.  Little ornamental cups and glass vessels carried an array of different candies, a favor my grandfather always made sure was filled before we arrived.  

No matter what I did, how I changed or grew physically or mentally, I noticed something.  My grandparents always treated me the same..... exact......way.  There is nothing I could do to ever make them love me more or treat be any better than they already did....and there is nothing I could ever do to make them love me any less.  I will always be welcome in that house, I will always feel invited, always feel comfortable, always feel loved.  I felt the familiar Voice prick my conscience, "What would it look like if EVERYONE were like this house?"

"What WOULD that look like?" my thoughts echoed over the next few days.

What would it look like if everyone were warm and inviting, if everyone loved you no matter what and without any agendas, if there were a place of refuge.  Its a funny thing about us mortals, we seem to spend our whole lives looking for something solid, something concrete and constant so we can anchor ourselves to it, but look in the wrong...... location....realm?  Is that the right word for it?  Its like we stand on the shore....then dive underwater and spend the rest of our time looking for a place to breath.  From the moment I stepped through the front door till the moment I left, worry couldn't touch me.  I spent most of my time "soaking", for those of you who understand what I mean by that.  I was in training.  I have taken up a position that I place great importance on, I will be leading a group of young men for the summer.  Its something I had been praying for, and it fell into my lap, oddly enough, right before I left for Maryland.  I knew that plans had been set for this group before the foundations of the earth were laid, all I had to do was put myself in a position to receive these plans.....which I did.  I smiled as they were quickened to my mind, admiring the wisdom and creativity their Designer had poured into them.  Thumbing through a few scriptures and jotting down a few words in my journal finished up my week.  

I sat in the backyard looking over the rolling fields that touched the grass where my grandparent's old fence used to be.  I filtered through a myriad of memories before settling on one in particular..... I couldn't have been waist high... and my brother, Zack, half of that.  I was pushing Zack in one of those old-school plastic "toddler-swings".....you know what I'm talking about, those red ones with the yellow rope and the yellow, hard plastic, guillotine-style piece that slid down the rope in the front to pinch the skin on your thigh that got in between it and the hole in the seat.....yeah....THAT one.  The rest of the family, all the aunts and uncles sat around in the back yard watching us.....those were the good days when my brother and I were the only grandchildren and got spoiled by everyone......I began pushing him back and forth until I got bored.  This is when I started having fun....who has fun pushing a swing anyways?  I began to spin Zack.  Round and round he went, the ropes twisting into one solid mass, slowly twisting until they joined right above his head........"Nick Nick.......Nick Nick...........NICK NIIIII", the last words left his mouth as a TWANG accompanied my fingers as they left the swing's rope, sending my brother into a spinning frenzy.  He was calling a different name now.....my attention was diverted and I left my younger brother spinning lazily under the large oak.

"Grandma..........Grandpa...........Aunt Sandy.........somebody heeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeee....." his small voice sung through the backyard as his little arms held tightly onto the rope, straining to pull his head forward which was locked backwards as the force of the spin slung his frame outward.  

As the memory faded I smiled broadly.  It was one of my favorites.  It reminded me of how many times I have found myself spinning out of control when I though I was finally "safe"......yelling "Grandma...........Grandpa........somebody.....anybody......"....and the whole time I'm still right where I need to be, Grandma's Backyard.

I Disobeyed

I was driving home on my way from downtown Nashville when the feeling first hit me.  

You know that feeling... 

Deep down.... it almost feels like you forgot something.... like you know you have broken something priceless and are waiting for someone to find out.... that uneasiness....  

We have all felt it thousands of times in different degrees.

I knew what it meant immediately.  I was headed home where I would throw some clothes in a bag and head off with two girls to Houston for a week.  I knew I was supposed to sit this trip out.  I had planned on going on this trip for a while, I had told several people that I would be coming, I had already canceled/rescheduled a few speaking events....I was set to go.....

....yet I knew I was supposed to stay.  

How many times to we face these decisions..... when we KNOW what we are supposed to do, and still look at the options.  I talked myself into going.

Halfway through the trip I couldn't stop thinking about my situation.  I was in Houston, I knew God wanted me in Nashville.....and there was nothing I could do to change that.  Try as I might to enjoy myself, soak in the hot tub, play guitar, hang out with people.....nothing......I was uneasy.  My spirit was stirring.  I would pick up a book, 5 min later I would put it down and walk to the other end of the house for no reason at all....find something else to do only to quit 5 minutes later and walk somewhere else to find something to do.  I was nervous....troubled..... scared maybe?  What is that feeling called anyway?  I knew I was sorry, and there was nothing to fix it.   

I found myself taking a good look at my heart.  I had been so busy with the "go go go" lifestyle, so busy with friends and family, speaking, meetings and everything else that seems to make our lives more "noisy", that it had been a while since I took a good look at what had been going on in my heart lately.  I noticed something, and I'm not sure what it means.  I'm always looking for a "story" to tell..... no matter whats going on, where I am, whats happening.... I'm always looking for some kind of truth in it, some kind of story to share.  I can't read a book without wondering how I could preach it someday..... man its tiresome....anyways

So I had this heavy feeling the whole time.  I had a particularly bad day a few days before I returned.  You know these days..... where everything seems to go wrong.  In fact, SO many things go wrong that you almost want to laugh with frustration because its just TOO many things messing up to be normal.  This day in particular I was wrestling with some questions, some deep questions.  I had been studying some things in the Bible that were challenging things to wrap your mind around.... I was deep in thought to the point where it almost hurt, I had no answers.  I came to the point where the thought finally came:

 

 "Ya know....I just need to relax.....I need to forget about these things for a while, I'm stressing about these things....I need to turn on some worship music and just rest and come back to these questions when I'm refreshed and have a new go at it."

I was about to do just that when I realized how many times I've done that before and never picked up where I left off.  Was this some kind of suggestion to keep me from wresting with this question?  It was.  I had to press on.  I continued turning it over in my mind....who knew that could be so physically taxing?

I had come to the point where I was wrestling with so many unanswered questions.  I didn't even know if I was a Christian anymore.  I'm not sure how it happened, but it did.....I found what I was looking for. 

It started to rain that night.  Not just a trickle.... but real rain.  I remember lying in bed listening to the rain beat against the window.....I was exhausted, I had been struggling with things all day, wrestling with verses, questioning everything....I was hot, I was worn out, I was tired.....and the rain continued to fall.

It always rains doesn't it?  What does rain have to do with it anyway?

I laid there...at rest.  I felt good, I knew I had completed something.  I hadn't given up, I had struggled and came out on the other side okay.  I had an answer to a question I didn't ask......questions are good....

...questions are good

Sometimes they are difficult and we give up..... but questions are good....they keep us thinking, they keep us sharp, and ya know.... I actually think God loves it when we ask a question.

I'm sitting here wondering why I feel like sharing all this.... it doesn't really speak highly of me.  I think I just want to let you know that everyone has "those days", and not everyone handles them with perfect smoothness, with a gentle spirit and a calm tongue.... I was so worked up that I even questioned my salvation. lol.  No one could have noticed this on the outside, I didn't yell or act much differently, but inside was a warzone.....and Christ is on your side, fighting with you the whole way, always saying, "Don't worry....we're gonna make it.".  You always make it....the battle is already won.    

And the Voice whispered....."The Kingdom"

Soon after my last post, I was talking to one of my friends in Maryland who had gone overseas with me. It started off like every other normal conversation:

"Hey, how are you?"
"I'm great! You?" I replied.
"Pretty good, just getting ready. I leave in 7 hours."
"Oh yeah? Where ya going?"
"....oh, I know this guy in Nashville...." was her answer.

I looked at my watch. It said it was the 10th. My fingers hovered over the keyboard waiting for some kind of a reply to come to my mind.

"Nicholas Huber...."
"I'm sorry!! It crept up on me! I was thinking we were leaving the 14th for some reason."

I had been planning on going to Houston for a while now, but had gotten so busy that it crept up on me without me noticing. In less that 24 hours I would have 2 house guests....I was supposed to speak that night at a church meeting. I spent the next day cleaning the house, thinking about what I would speak about that night. I threw some steaks on the grill right before the two girls arrived. We ate, then one of them accompanied me to the meeting.

As we drove, I mulled over some of the things I had on my heart to talk about. One of them was what was going on in the youth, another was the excitement in the leadership meeting when we spoke about a Creative Worship Sunday.....another was freedom... I noticed something prick my conscience and I listened. The Voice whispered....."The Kingdom". DING DING DING! I knew it was right. All of the things I had on my heart had a central theme, the Kingdom.

The meeting started. About 15 minutes in I started talking about what I was seeing happening around us....what God was at work doing. I have had several people speak to me about what God has put on their heart, and they all seem to be hearing the same thing! I told how Marko had the same thing shown to him, remember that story from a few posts ago? Here is a refresher:

"Marko and I hopped in the truck and began our drive to a pizza shop near the church. Marko broke the silence, "Ya know....I was thinking about it during church and I think I know what God has been putting on my heart.... I think I know what God is calling me to."

I believe God is making His Kingdom known, not church denominations, not religions, not individual revelations, but a widespread movement of opening people's eyes to see His Kingdom for what it really is. It is worth getting excited about. As I shared, Erin spoke up and said "Thats really cool because me and Adam have been praying about where God wants to take these meetings and He put the same thing on our hearts, and starting next week we are going to begin a study on the Kingdom"

Our meeting ran late as everyone shared their thoughts on what we can do to share the Kingdom of God with people. It was amazing!

The next day I was getting ready to leave the house when Jim, one of the worship leaders at church stopped by.

"Are you getting ready to leave?"
"Yeah, I was just about to walk out the door, why, whats up?"
"Man, I gotta tell you a story before you leave...Man, the other day at the leadership meeting....that was amazing. Dude, everyone was flippin' about that! We had an Elder's meeting afterwards and thats what we talked about. It was so cool seeing Don excited about that, he was like, 'Man, Nick was right.' I could sit through meetings like that all day dude."

He sat there talking through moist eyes, excited about what God is doing in our little church. People are getting passionate, people are getting excited, God is speaking to His children, bringing freedom and creativity to His people.

I am in Arkansas right now, about to take off to a nearby bookstore. I leave for Houston in a few days and will return to Nashville on the 19th. I'll keep you all posted about whats going on here.

(To 15yr old Anna from NLA, I've heard about you and would love to meet you when I return. Drop me an e-mail, I've got some questions for ya.)

Freedom.... exciting?

I was driving back from Miami with a friend, somewhere in-between Ft Lauderdale and Atlanta when I finally picked up my phone and called Marko. We had spoken the day before and had decided to pray about what God had planned for us to speak with the youth about. I had been listened for some time now, and decided to see if Marko had heard the same....

"So... get anything?"

"Yeah.... I got 'freedom'...", he replied.

"Heh....no way. I've had my mind on the same thing."

We spoke for a few more minutes and I continued driving.

"White cafe mocha please." I told the girl behind the counter at Starbucks. Me and Marko grabbed a table and sat down, Bibles in hand with a blank notebook page. We had done it before... we pray... we hear... it goes down on paper.... then we speak about what is written. So what exactly did He have planned for the youth? We had been thinking about it all week. We had a broad topic.... how do we speak about freedom in an hour and a half?

I took the notebook and started us off:

April 9, 2008

        Plans for Youth: Freedom

We didn't have much to add to that!  We sat there thinking about freedom, trying to pinpoint how to start such an amazing topic.  I thought about different entries into the topic, how would we start.... an image came to my mind of us before the youth.. "You were bound.... now you have freedom through Christ...." 

 I could image their glossy eyes and unspoken questions, "Bound by what....I don't feel bound... why are they so excited....free through Christ..... aww man! I remember that time I got that dog leash wrapped around my ankles.....bound.... I miss that dog.... we should get another dog..... Ashton just got a dog and it tore a hole in her brother's jeans....I bet he got those jeans from American Eagle... so-and-so shops there a lot.... I need a car so I can go shopping.... I need a job to buy a car.... or I can use mom's car and use the money from the job to go shopping with...."  and I could see their attention being diverted.

Bound by what...whom...and freedom from what?  I knew thats where we had to start.  You can't receive freedom unless you know you are bound by something.  To the notebook we went:

April 9, 2008

 Plans for Youth: Freedom

        Freedom from what?

              -fear

              -sin              

             -death

We had a beginning.  I knew that for us to live in freedom, we need to understand the bondage.  Revelation of the bondage, of the flesh, always comes before divine revelation.....it is the revelation of our bondage that humbles us for salvation..... and gets us passionate about our freedom.

I laid an old leather journal of mine on the table between our coffees and thumbed through the pages.  I had some notes on the subject in there somewhere.  I found it and read it out to Marko:

"Not everyone, by any means, has had the experiences of the seventh of Romans, that agony of conflict.  It is a great blessing when a person begins to realize the awful conflict of his struggle and defeat.  Of all the needy classes of people, the neediest of this earth are not those who are having a heartbreaking, agonizing struggle for victory, but those who are having NO struggle at all and NO victory, and who do not know it and who are satisfied and jogging along in a pitiable absence of almost all the possessions that belong to them in Christ."   -Dr. Scofield

This took me to Romans 5.  Six hours later we were exhausted.... yet excited.  We drove to the church, turned down the lights, Marko went in the back to make some coffee, and I stood there inking a few things on the whiteboard.  As the youth filtered in and sat down I finished up drawing a few symbols on the board and Marko walked in.  We began with a few minutes of prayer, and then told them what all we had planned for the night.  

"It all started with the fall of man.....Adam...." I began.

I continued on, explaining what happened when Adam fell....what happened to us....do you know?

"When Adam sinned, sin entered the entire human race. Adam's sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned. Yes, people sinned even before the law was given. And though there was no law to break, since it had not yet been given, they all died anyway-even though they did not disobey an explicit commandment of God, as Adam did." (Romans 5:12-14a)

When Adam fell, we fell, when he sinned, we sinned because we were joined to Adam.  We were born into this sin, born into this bondage...... we have been living in it so long....our whole life to be exact, and have become used to it....to the point that we dont even know it exists anymore.  I continued with Adam's story... our story....them I told them about Christ and His role in our freedom.

Christ lived this perfect life free from this bondage, He took our place, switched roles with us, so that when He died....we died with Him, when He rose, we rose with Him.

"My old self has been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.  So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

"Or have you forgotten that when we became Christians and were baptized to become one with Christ Jesus, we died with him? For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives. Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised as he was." Romans 6:3-5

We have this freedom from sin now, and we have to understand this.... knowing this is crucial to living in the freedom that is in Christ.  Marko used a story to illustrate this:

"Back in the Vietnam War some American soldiers were taken hostage and made into slaves.  They continued in bondage to their masters.  The war ended....but the continued working.  They didn't know that they were free, and the man that they were slaves to didn't tell them because he knew the moment they found out the war was over....they were free.  It wasn't until much later that someone told them that the war was over and that they no longer had to be slaves."

The whole time after the war was over.....they were free!!  Yet they continued living in that bondage because they didn't know they were free.  We spoke for a while after this about how Christ took our place in bondage....died....and rose again because He could not be bound by the power of sin and death.  We basically taught the rest of Romans 5:

"What a contrast between Adam and Christ, who was yet to come! And what a difference between our sin and God's generous gift of forgiveness. For this one man, Adam, brought death to many through his sin. But this other man, Jesus Christ, brought forgiveness to many through God's bountiful gift. And the result of God's gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man's sin. For Adam's sin led to condemnation, but we have the free gift of being accepted by God, even though we are guilty of many sins.

The sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over us, but all who receive God's wonderful, gracious gift of righteousness will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. Yes, Adam's one sin brought condemnation upon everyone, but Christ's one act of righteousness makes all people right in God's sight and gives them life.  Because one person disobeyed God, many people became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many people will be made right in God's sight.

God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful kindness became more abundant.

So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God's wonderful kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

As time began to run out we tried to wrap up.  I asked them if they think they understood, or if they wanted us to continue on the same subject next week.  They asked us to speak more about it next week.  As they gathered their things and got ready to leave, one of the boys said, "Man, this was the best youth group meeting we have ever had...."  they talked among themselves for a minute.  

Amidst the conversations I hear, "This was awesome... God spoke to me for the first time during this meeting"

God is still speaking, and He has a lot to say....

Day by Day

The morning sun pierced through the blinds sending a finger of light across my eyes. I rolled over, rubbed my face and wondered if I was going to make it to church on time. My friend, Marko, walked into the room with a smile on his face. "Ya ready man?". I sat up, walked into the bathroom and showered real quick before we got in the truck and headed for church.

I walked into the sanctuary, grabbed my seat, and waited for service to start. Another Sunday, another service, same people.....
As worship began I allowed my mind to wander.... no particular direction in mind.... I just relaxed and kinda allowed God to bring whatever He wanted to to my mind. As time passed, so did the thoughts....one by one different thoughts kept popping up in my head, new ministries, new ways of doing the same things, different approaches to the same task. I took a step outside what I was thinking about and marveled at the creativity that worship inspires. Looking back on all the other Sundays, all the other worship services, I've realized that it is then...... in that moment..... that moment of praise and worship.... that I feel the most creative and hear God the clearest. But it was just another Sunday, another service, same people....... and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...

After service, just like every other service, everyone walked around talking to the same friends, just like every other Sunday. As I made my way around the sanctuary talking to everyone I began to realize how much I love the church..... not the building, not the service, not Sunday..... not what we see when we look at the "church", but the real Church, the Bride of Christ, the church as God sees it..... the Church as Satan sees it..... the church that is rooted in eternity, more powerful than any army, stronger than any other force the enemy can muster....... I've fallen in love....

Marko and I hopped in the truck and began our drive to a pizza shop near the church. Marko broke the silence, "Ya know....I was thinking about it during church and I think I know what God has been putting on my heart.... I think I know what God is calling me to." We continued to talk until we arrived at the pizza shop. It was a conversation I have had with many people before, and I am beginning to realize something..... God isn't doing business like He used to..... our Father is pouring out a new wine, and He is calling those who will hear His voice to prepare the "new wineskins". The Kingdom is what He is putting on my heart, Marko's heart....and many others who I have spoken with. The Kingdom of Heaven is what Christ taught. This is what has been my passion for a while now. If we saw the Kingdom for what it really is..... is it actually possible to continue living our lives without the direction of the Spirit? I don't know.... this is still a new revelation to me.... I am just seeing the same thing springing up in the hearts of those God is joining me to.... the same passion, the same calling, the same Love....

I'm not sure what God has planned, but I have this deep feeling..... you know that feeling.... kinda like that feeling in the air before a summer thunderstorm..... God is about to pour out something amazing, something that will blow our minds, and He has already started, His plan is in motion, He is equipping and calling His children to a new level of intimacy with Him. I'm not the only one....many others have described the same feeling to me. Im excited! I have this amazing peace I've never experienced before.

Every morning I wake up....a new day, same people.... and I love every moment of it. I find myself in some kind of conversation with someone everyday that is meaningful to me. I always walk away thinking "Wow....thank You....." I still can't understand it, but everyday is the same, yet completely different. Its the same in that God does something daily to blow my mind, in that I always have an opportunity to share with someone about how much God loves them, how much He cares, and how real He really is. This is something that happens every day now.....which used to NEVER happen to me. Just today I went to work and a guy was there whom I have worked with before I left for Budapest. He never really liked me... he actually disliked me. As the day progressed, in the middle of one of our conversation he stopped me, "Man....you have changed, God has gotten ahold of your life....". I didn't say anything, I just kinda looked back with thanksgiving at what God has done for me.... Later in the conversation I was talking about a couple of meeting that I would be speaking at this week and he replied, "Man....you continue on like this and you will be doing a lot more than just speaking at meetings....you have been speaking to me all day about this stuff..." At the end of the day it seemed that any grievances that had been between us were completely gone, we had talked about a lot of things that we have gone through in our lives and how God had always been faithful in those moments. I wont say everything that happened, I'm not sure he would appreciate it, but it was good. He told me at the end that he hadn't tithed in a long time, and that while we were talking he decided that he wanted to start giving me what he would have tithed to go towards my trip to the medical missions school in Guatemala in October. I couldn't believe it.... 7 months ago this man really disliked me....now he was wanting to help me. Man.... I am in awe.... little miracles like this make me fall deeper in love with my Father everyday....

Well....these are some pretty scattered thoughts. Little random thoughts from the past couple of days. A lot of people have kept asking me to continue posting, and I find it keeps me motivated. So enjoy! I really love you guys a lot.... I can't even explain it, but you guys....man, you all are great.

I still got it...

I've been back three weeks now. Spoken at various meetings, shared my story with just about everyone who cares to hear, and some who dont. The first week home was the most difficult. I remember telling my team how much I missed American food and how I was going to gain 20 pounds the first week home. I had a list of over 200 things I was going to eat when I came home. One of the top things on this list was a steak... closely followed by ice cream cake and Quizno's subs.

The party that was planned for me when I got home included the ice cream cake and sub. I took small portions.... To be honest, I ate what I did out of obligation. I had lost my appetite. The next morning was Sunday church. Afterwards I found myself at Cracker Barrel where I ordered the steak. The waitress put the plate in front of me and I sat there for a few minutes poking the steak around the plate before cutting off a corner a setting it inside my mouth. It tasted amazing....but still....i had to force feed myself the rest of it.... I just couldn't eat... This continued for the whole week, I don't know why, but I just couldn't allow myself to enjoy my time here. I was so used to only having the necessities, it was difficult being able to have delicacies that make life more enjoyable....and for some, more bearable. I remember walking down the aisle of Wal-Mart and looking at all of the things that I "could" have, but didn't exactly need. It was a difficult transition, but I seem to be doing better now.

I picked up the youth leader position again alongside my best friend (or "runnin' buddy", as my pastor calls it) Marko. We have been doing a lot of praying for the youth as we prepare to lead them on a mission trip to Mexico. Last week we sat down on the bed with a blank piece of paper, asked the Lord to prepare our hearts to hear His voice, and then waited silently in expectation. We needed to know how to prepare the youth for this trip...what did He have planned for us to speak about...

I took a quick examination of the status of my heart, what had been going on in there the past few weeks, and listened to hear if God was quickening anything to my mind. All I could hear was the breathing of Marko and I as we sat there listening.

....."Prayer...this is the foundation".... I recognized His voice and a smile spread across my face. I looked up and shared with Marko what I had heard, he smile in agreement. Our meeting with the youth would be about prayer...

From there ideas and instructions trickled into our time of prayer like little puzzle pieces until we had a complete picture of what God had planned for the youth. We excitedly wrote down all that we had heard, and then moved into the other room to type the handout we had come up with. It was amazing! As I sat there going over in my head all that we had heard, I thought about how the youth would receive what we would teach them. Prayer...i remember as a youth what I thought about prayer, I remember the way I would roll my eyes when I was told we would have a meeting on prayer.... It wasn't until this point in my life that I understand the reality of what prayer is, and the power that it carries. I thought about the importance and life that comes from prayer.....then wondered....

"Why is it that the most valuable, important, intimate part of our relationship with our Father is the most neglected, misunderstood, dreaded, and 'boring' part of our life?"

Marko nodded in agreement, "You just answered your own question, it is BECAUSE it is the most valuable and intimate part of our relationship that it is the most neglected and misunderstood part of our life"

I knew what he was getting at.... prayer is one of the most dangerous tools against the kingdom of darkness, so of course the enemy is going to try to take this defense out first. As we put the meeting together, we knew it would be really foundational in preparing for this trip.

The meeting went great. Amidst the bored faces and glazed eyes, there were a few who had really listened, a few who took the teaching seriously and would follow through with the exercises we had given them for the week. I would follow along with them also as I prayed for the youth and God's favor on them throughout the week.

On Friday morning I arrived at the airport a few hours before I would have liked to wake up. I called the guy I had talked to on the phone a few days earlier, whom I had never met. He met me at the door and we got my ticket and climbed into the plane. His name was Darby, a friend of a friend who had contacted me to help him with a job opportunity that had come up in Miami. The plane took off and a few hours later we touched down in Miami. As the Miami sun beat down on my face I thought to myself "Hmm...what a wild trip this will be.... I dont even know these people!"

We climbed into a cab that drove us to Bay Harbor where we would spend the next few days. We pulled up to the million dollar house and walked in. An older lady introduced herself to me as Jamie, and shortly afterwards a man, Alex, arrived. Jamie and Alex were Buddhists, and throughout the day we could hear them chanting and ringing bells in front of this little shrine. Darby and I had been asked to come down and load up her possessions in a truck and drive it back to Nashville. For the next couple of days I watched them live their lives as Buddhists, and suffer the void that comes along with it. I had been following the specific things that we had asked to youth to pray about during the list. Our last morning there I thought back about what we had decided to pray about that day...."Pray that God gives you an opportunity to share your faith with someone". I prayed the prayer, and then asked God to help the youth with this prayer and then set off to finish off some last minute things before we left. Darby had to drive Jamie to the bank, and me and Alex would stay behind to wrap one more thing...

Alex sat down on the couch, I took a seat next to him. "So, Alex, how long have you lived in the States?" ....and so the conversation began. We talked about life in the States, life in his native country, Buddhism, his relationship with Jamie....and finally I asked him..."Has anyone ever told you about Jesus.....not the religious, outdated, oil painting Jesus on the wall of old Sunday school classes.....but the REAL Jesus?" He looked at me and said he had heard of Jesus but believed that praying to the universe and himself didn't stop him from accepting Jesus. A few minutes later my new brother was bowed in prayer, asking Jesus to change his life. WOOOHOOO!!! He began asking me questions about God and asking me to help him prayer about specific things in his life and for specific people he knew. As the door handle rattled, notifying us of Darby and Jamie's arrival, he looked at me with his moistened eyes and said "Thank you....you dont know how much I needed this" I whispered, "I think I do....." Darby and I grabbed a few last things and headed out the door. Alex hugged my neck and thanked me again. As Darby and I climbed up into the truck, Darby asked me, "What did you and Alex talk about?"

I smiled and said that we talked about his life and a few different things. "Why, whats up?"

"He looked different", he replied.

I smile and told him I had told Him about Jesus and that we had prayed together about some things. Darby said that he had noticed that his countenance had changed, and he was right. Alex was a new man! After 20 or so hours of driving, I am home again. I was able to have dinner with Esther, one of my favorite girls in the world who spent the last six months with me overseas as we drove through Atlanta.

I am excited to hear the stories of the youth as they report how God has answered their prayers this week! I'll keep you guys updated!