Processing.....

"You ready?" Hal Young asked me as he walked onto the middle floor.

I had been up all night by myself in the common room of the middle floor. It was 6:00am. All of my earthly possessions were crammed into the suitcases that sat on the floor. I had been dreading this moment for a long time. I was the first one of my team to leave...

"....yeah, lemme go say goodbye."

I walked up the stairs and all of my girls were up....some of which had been up all night also. I heard a pained moan from one of them as I walked into the room...some already had tears in their eyes. I had decided before I came up, "You won't cry". I lied. One by one they stood up and hugged me. I have done some difficult things in my life, but I can't think of anything that was more difficult than letting go of those girls after each embrace.

"Alright, lets go", I whispered to the floor as I walked past Hal.

Hal and I grabbed my luggage and headed down to the car. It was raining...are goodbyes always in the rain? The girls stood at the gate for one last hug before I got into the car. I took one last look at them, then bowed my head as we pulled away. The ride to the airport was silent. I missed them before I even stepped on the plane to London.

It was an easy flight to London, the attendants even spoke English! As I got off the plane and stood in line to go through customs, I could understand everyone's conversations....it was so...weird. They were loud, they spoke matter-of-factly about things which they obviously had no clue about. Good morning Westerners. I barely caught my plane to Chicago. I found my seat. On very last row of the plane, next to a girl from the States, would be my home for the next 9 hours. I remember the plane rides over to Budapest....I didn't say a word to anyone. Now I couldn't shut up. We talked for hours. She was an art major in college and had gone to London as an intern. We ended up talking about God, Creation, art as a reflection of God, and what I saw while I was overseas....she wasn't a Christian, or at least she wasn't when I first met her.

I got out the leather journal I had kept during my time in Egypt and India. In it were recorded all the amazing things that God had done in and through me. As I fingered through the pages I was overwhelmed with how much God had blessed me... The words of one of the girls from my team echoed in my ears, "Nick, God's favor has been so strong in your life." I chewed over these words...I had been favored by God... Did I really understand the depth of this? I don't think I will ever fully comprehend the blessings that were poured out in my life because God had favored me. Me...of all people...who am I to deserve this? I cant describe the emotion, other than a mix between being thankful and being in a state of awe. I began to pray. I thanked Him, and then did something I had learned the past few months of my life. I asked God to bless me today... "Father...do something supernatural for me today, show me how much You love me, bless me..."

I didn't exactly understand why, but when I looked at the little screen on the seat in front of me it said we were over some islands in northern Canada. I looked out the window and sure enough, there were huge icebergs and cracked ice covering the ocean. I had never seen it before, it was beautiful.

As we pulled into Chicago, the runway was covered in snow. It has been a while since I had seen snow...I still disliked it as much as I did before. As I got through customs and rechecked my bags, I looked at my watch. I still had 2 hours before my flight would take off. My stomach churned, reminding me it had been a long time since I had eaten. I had absolutely no money at all, zero, and no way of getting any. I looked at the situation and decided I would just be content, I would eat in 4 or so hours, there is no sense in getting frustrated. I sat down in a quiet corner of the terminal and started to play my guitar (softly so no one would be bothered). A black man came and sat down a few chairs away. Another complete stranger. For some reason I have found some kind of comfort in talking to people I have never met before. So I started talking to him. He wasn't much of a talked, he was kinda quiet. He pulled out a large cup of french fries....my mouth watered, I went back to playing the guitar. A few minutes later he hands me the fries...he had only eaten half of them. I couldn't believe it! I hungrily devoured the fries and thanked him. Again, back to the guitar I went. The he pulled some hotwings out of the paper bag. He ate a few and handed me the rest.... I remembered the prayer I had prayed on the plane...here was the blessing I had asked for. This man knew nothing about me, he had no reason to give me half of his food....but he did. For those who are reading this from my team...HOTWINGS! Can you believe that?! For months and months all I ever talked about was how the first thing I was going to eat when I got home was hotwings! I missed hotwings so bad! Here God not only provided me with something to eat, but gave me EXACTLY what I wanted!

The robotic female voice buzzed through the speakers, announcing that my flight would be leaving shortly. I glanced up at the gate number...I was at the wrong gate! I picked up my guitar, and shook the man's hand. As he leaned forward to grab my hand, a small cross on a silver chain slipped out of his shirt. I smiled and made my way to my plane. God had brought me to the wrong gate, to sit in a seat where a kind man would soon sit next to me, carrying exactly the meal I wanted. I was blessed and I knew it.

As my plane touched down in Nashville, I suddenly became aware of the fact that I had been awake for more than 48 hours. I walked out the terminal and was greeted by many many friends and family welcoming me "home". We collected the bags and I was whisked away to different places before ending up at a friend's house where a party had been planned. It was so good to see everyone....I just wish I wasn't about to pass out from exhaustion.

So I'm back in Nashville, and I'm bored. Actually....it looks like most people in the States are bored. America...the land where the elderly get jobs at Wal-Mart and Krogers not because they need money...but because they are bored.....where everything is insured in case we find ourselves in a spot where we might have to trust in something other than money or our ability to provide for ourselves. Even with everything that I seem to be struggling with culturally here...I still love my country.

Well, my little sister and a few of her friends just came into the room and sang me a song they have written and asked me to come up with some music to go along with it. So I'm gonna jet, but I'll post again soon about what I have experienced since coming "home".

Day 167, Budapest

Back in Budapest, my second home. I wont take too much time to write, as I'm quite tired and will head to bed in a second. I'm safe, I'm settled, Im not ready to pack again and head home on Saturday. Its crazy being back in civilzation again, after so long in Egypt and India. Being able to drink tap water, not having to worry about whether or not there is water to shower with, being able to read the menus at restaurants. So nice.

I arrived last Saturday, and have had meeting after meeting since I've been here. There are so many stories to tell to so many people. I have been constantly doing something ever since I have arrived. This had made it pretty difficult to find time to just talk with God....In India I HAD to depend on Him to provide for us and our needs, to speak through us, to go before us and prepare us. I was contantly in prayer because I needed to...I HAD to, or our ministry would nosedive. Once arriving here in Budapest, there was no long the NEED to pray so much or read or seek His guidance....or so I thought. With the crazy schedule and all the friends I hadn't seen in so long buzzing at my "to do" list, my devotional time took the back burner. After a few days of back burner devotions I had an interesting feeling.... All day I just didn't feel right, I kept thinking, "I really need to pray for a while....I really need to read some....". All day this was on my mind as I traveled through the city to and from different places. I was aware I needed to get away for a bit to spend some time with God. That night I found this time. As I sat down I felt relaxed, finally. I picked up my little leather journal and began writing my prayer, (I write most of my prayers). After the first few sentenced I put the pen down and moved the journal so the tears wouldn't spot the page. What was happening? It hit me like a brick, one of the most beautiful revelations of my life. I looked back over the last few sentences and smiled. I had seen those words before, I had written them before, but never to God...

"I have realized how easy it is to put my relationship with You on the back burner. This worries me. I don't want to just have 'prayer' times, I desire to be in constant conversation with You. I dont want my life to be about just me...when I think about my life, I want to think about me AND You. I desire for You to be a huge part of my everyday...I can't live without You. I've begun to fall in love with You. Its been a few days since I have had a deep conversation with You, and today I've had this sinking feeling in my heart much like you get when your loved one had been away for a while and you dont feel 'whole'. I have to have time with You or I don't feel complete....I miss You"

I realized that I had written those words to someone I was in love with, and the sinking feeling was very similar.... I began to realize that not only did I love God.....but I've fallen IN love with Him.... to the point when I don't feel "whole" when I haven't had some time with Him in a while. It is an amazing feeling to be able to come to such a realization. Its like when you spend a lot of time with someone, and they grow on you, and you love them....then you realize that you are IN love with the person and you get those butterflies in your stomach when you think about it and you keep repeating "The Phrase" over and over in your mind because its amazing to think about, and it feels good to hear yourself say it...you know the phrase, you have all said it........"I'm in love......I...I....I can't believe.....I....I have actually fallen in love with this guy/girl". Its not a choice you made, its not something you are forced into....its that amazing realization that you HAVE been in love for a while and have only noticed it just then. So this was an amazing part of my week, to realize that my relationship with the Lord has gone past the stage of viewing Him as the bearded guy in white with His arms open in poorly painted pictures in old wooden frames in church lobbies, to the God I have fallen in love with, Who I enjoy having a cup of coffee with, Who actually cares about all the little things in my life, Who 'completes' my day.

So I have one more day here in Budapest, then leave early the next morning. I am excited to come home.