Another week under our belts. This week our lectures were on how to study the Bible on our own. Justin McKinney, one of the staff, taught us how to look at the different contexts of the Bible, and pointed out how easily the Bible can be misquoted. He used the Inductive Study Method, much like what Mr. Shearer taught us years ago, so I already had a head-start in the game. Thanks Rob! He showed us some of the things that people use to show that the Bible isn't consistent, and that it contradicts itself, and let us take a look at how it actually makes perfect sense and only compliments itself! It really reaffirmed the importance of not just reading, but studying the Word of God. One of the things that really sparked a flame inside me is how perfectly God has made the Bible, it flows so beautifully together in harmony. I would really like to find a book that goes through the life of Paul like a story, and shows where he was when he wrote the different letters, what was going on at the time in the world around him, etc. It is so hard to piece everything together on my own. So if anyone knows of a book like this, or even a website, please let me know.
God is slowly revealing different things to me about myself, about my heart, and is shining light into all the areas that I have kept from Him. I would like to say that this is so much fun and I enjoy it, but it feels like surgery, and no one likes the process of giving up things and having Him remove areas of decay from your life, but after He has closed the wounds and I can rest, I know that the journey was well worth the pain and effort. Please continue to keep us in prayer, sometimes the road up ahead seems so difficult and tiring, but it is so worth it. Im not coming back until He has finished His work in me and through me for this time in my life.
Thank you guys so much for your support. I dont know how I could be able to be here and continue to carry on without your continued prayers and support.
Prayer: We are still in the process of figuring out where God wants to send us on outreach. We are thinking He is going to send us to Egypt and India. So pray that God would open the doors for our ministry and clear our minds so we can hear Him, and that He would prepare the hearts of the people, till the soil, so that our seeds will fall on fertile soil. Also, Egypt and India are expensive outreaches, and we will need to raise more money, both individually, and as a group. So pray that God will open up the doors to finance our outreach. I still don't know how I will be able to raise the rest of the money needed for my tickets. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed.
I love you guys, and will post again soon. I love hearing from you, encouragement AND advice!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Day 34, Budapest
Lets see if i can figure out how to write a short post.
Its closing in on the end of the week now. We've been having lectures on studying the Bible, and how to keep it in context, and where to find answers, how to apply scripture to your life, and stuff. The focus of this is to enable us to get a strong grasp of scripture so we can feed ourselves with the truth everyday, and when we see churches and other christians distorting what God really said, we can help them. Its also to help us when witnessing to people and they quote verses out of context. It is raining a lot this week, and its starting to get cold.....fun fun fun.
The outreaches in the city are going well, we are adding souls to the Kingdom continually!! Its amazing some of the spiritual warfare we see happening. The enemy really doesn't want us here. The prostitution is huge here, and girls as young as 14 are soliciting themselves on the streets. These people really need Christ in their life.
I really miss you guys back home. You really dont know how much you appreciate little things and comforts until you go so long without them. lol. Apparently Hungarians dont believe in peanut butter. ;) It is great hearing from you guys, it keeps me going. I still have two months of training before we go full-time outreach to India and Egypt. It is so hard finding time to do all the little things i want to get done here. heh. Writing this blog is one of them. I'll try to post again this weekened. I love you guys, and cant wait to see you all again!
Its closing in on the end of the week now. We've been having lectures on studying the Bible, and how to keep it in context, and where to find answers, how to apply scripture to your life, and stuff. The focus of this is to enable us to get a strong grasp of scripture so we can feed ourselves with the truth everyday, and when we see churches and other christians distorting what God really said, we can help them. Its also to help us when witnessing to people and they quote verses out of context. It is raining a lot this week, and its starting to get cold.....fun fun fun.
The outreaches in the city are going well, we are adding souls to the Kingdom continually!! Its amazing some of the spiritual warfare we see happening. The enemy really doesn't want us here. The prostitution is huge here, and girls as young as 14 are soliciting themselves on the streets. These people really need Christ in their life.
I really miss you guys back home. You really dont know how much you appreciate little things and comforts until you go so long without them. lol. Apparently Hungarians dont believe in peanut butter. ;) It is great hearing from you guys, it keeps me going. I still have two months of training before we go full-time outreach to India and Egypt. It is so hard finding time to do all the little things i want to get done here. heh. Writing this blog is one of them. I'll try to post again this weekened. I love you guys, and cant wait to see you all again!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Day 30, Budapest
I don't even know where to begin for this week. It has been probably the craziest week of my life.
This weeks teaching has been on prayer, and two older women from Atlanta came to speak to us. I had heard a little bit about these women before they came. I was told that they have an incredible gift of prayer and prophesy. They had prayed for each of us by name and asked that God give them a word for each of us, before they knew anything about us except our name. They began the week by a "Lecture" on soaking in God's presence. They talked for about 10 minutes on just allowing ourselves to be in God's presence, and just listening for His voice. Then they turned on some soft music and we all sat there just listening to the music and praying silently for about 2 hours...but it went so fast...i was really really surprised. I usually cant sit there and pray for 2 hours, it drives me nuts, but this one was different. Then while we were praying, one of the women came up to me and started whispering this prayer in my ear...she was praying for healing in areas that I had NEVER told anyone here about...TOTALLY blew my mind! She was so accurate! I was freaking out.
After the soaking time they went around the room and told each of us the words that God had given them. As they went around the room giving everyone their individual words, I was getting goosebumps because the words they were giving to the other people were so right on...they were telling them things that i had seen happening in them too! Then they got to me, they told me what they had heard from God, and then two verses that God had given them for me, and the wrote it on a piece of paper from me. Here is what it said:
Nick Huber,
As I prayed for you, I felt the Lord describe you as an adventurer who is willing to risk for Him. You are in the process of discovering great and priceless treasure. You will not be disappointed in your quest.
"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God" Proverbs 2:1-5
"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" Colossians 2:2-3
When I read that, something stirred in me, but i just shrugged it off and thought nothing of it. All of these "soaking times" and "Prophesies" were a little sketchy to me. Lately my focus is to REALLY hear God, and not get swept away by emotion or lies that I've heard. I have been wanting to experience the TRUTH of God and not the "experience" of religion. The whole crying in prayer, speaking in tongues all the time, raising your hands in worship, speaking out a prophesy during lecture, listening to music and then getting filled with the Spirit and dancing these weird dances, "falling out" in the spirit when getting prayed for......all of these things were sketchy to me. I have seen too many people fake it, and i've faked it myself. I had made the decision that if these things were real, then I needed to feel God in it. I refused to pray out loud unless I felt God giving me a word or putting something on my heart to pray for. I refused to fake anything at all, or to allow myself to get caught up in the moment or in my emotions and "falling out in the spirit" or speaking in tongues when i knew it wasn't real. My cry had continually been "Lord....these people are getting so caught up in this thing....show me what is real, I cant do this stuff without questioning if its real or not...I need you to give me the understanding, show me what you see, show me what is real and what isnt real."
I was walking to the metro with one of the girls on my way home from the base. For a week now my headphones had been broken. Another guy's headphones broke the same time mine did, and he went out and bought some the next day. They cost him like $60. The electronics are SOO expensive here. Like 1 C battery costs like 4$. I had gone and looked at the headphones, and decided that I didnt have enough money to consider buying any, which meant I would spend the next 5 months with the iPod my brother gave me, and i couldn't listen to it. I had decided to just forget about it, and I was walking home a week later and then all of a sudden I felt like God told me I could get the headphones....i questioned it, "God...I cant afford this right now..." and all i felt was "I said its okay". So, weirded out, without saying a word i left the girl i was walking with and turned around and headed immediately to the nearest store, trying to figure out what had changed. I got to the store, and a girl was speaking to one of the clerks. She looked frustrated. I waited and he came and got the headphones for me after a few minutes and i walked to the counter to check-out. The girl saw me put the headphones on the counter and asked me if i was buying them. I said i was. She then asked if i could help her. I said yes, but still didn't have any clue what she needed, she just looked desperate. She then told me how she had bought some headphones, and they didnt work for her, and now she was trying to return them but they wouldnt let her because she needed to buy something else in the store to replace them, and they would only give her 80% of her money back. Somehow if I bought them in her name, and then gave her 10k Forint, it would help her out and i would still get the headphones for the same price. Well I was paying with a card and they wouldnt help us out by charging me extra and giving her cash. I told her to wait there, and left the store and walked to the nearest bank, and converted some money to the Hungarian Forint. When I returned and handed her the cash, she was so shocked and asked why i was in Budapest and how I spoke English, (because like NO ONE speaks english, we were the only ones in the store who did). I told her why I was in Budapest, and about my relationship with God....she was a little taken back at everything that I had done for her, and told me, "Today...i know that God sent you here just to help me...thank you". At that very second I understood why God had given me the permission to buy the headphones. It actually helped me too, I saved 1k Forint during that transaction also!
That was the end of the first day of lecture.
On Tuesday, Molly (the speaker) started class with....well, I'll show you what I wrote in my journal:
"
(Lecture) - Molly
Prayer
* Molly started out crying, saying the Holy Spirit is over her and she doesn't understand why. Okay, now she is bawling her eyes out. What does this mean Lord....now she is GROANING!....God, you have got to stop me from laughing. I'm about to lose it! I cant look at her. Father, show me what this means...why....Lord...what is this? What are you trying to say to us?
Romans 8:22 - Creation is groaning.
"
I wasn't sure what the heck she was doing by groaning, but it looked so stupid and so fake. I was just looking for some truth, I was tired of seeing fake things. After this, we all paired up with someone else and had to pray that God would give us a word or prophesy for the other person. I got paired up with Nic Barella, a thirty year old missionary who is on staff. He told me that God had given him a vision of me climbing a huge mountain, and I had gotten a little ways up it without any help, without any tools like rope and other climbing gear. He said that he felt like God was telling him that I had gotten a little ways on my own, but that God wanted me on top of this mountain, and that I was going to need certain tools to get to where God wanted me, and that God would begin giving me these tools.
It didn't really stir anything in me. I forgot about it later that day.
Wednesday is when things totally went crazy. God did some amazing things that turned my universe upside down. What happened was a lot of shouting. It was so weird to me, but they went around and prayed for anyone who wanted God to free their voice so they could shout and break the barrier that was preventing them from giving their whole voice to Him. They would stand in the middle of the room and get prayed for, and then all of a sudden bust out with these crazy screams and were crying and stuff. I thought the police would come because i was sure the neighbors were thinking we were sacrificing children or something. These bongo drums were playing, and it was just weird to me. We and another guy had just gotten done talking about how out of the box these women are, and how we were unsure how true a lot of this "spiritual" stuff really was. Neither of us had really spoken in tongues with any confidence that it was true. None of us were into this whole getting carried away with emotion and screaming or groaning. It was just...i dunno, it didnt seem right to me.
While everyone was taking turning getting prayed for, i just sat there asking God what in the world was going on. I had my head bowed in prayer while everyone else was yelling and praying out loud for the people and being crazy. I was searching for something solid, something real, I was looking for an answer from God. I raised my head once t pray for someone because everyone else was praying...but then I thought, "this is stupid...I dont feel led to pray for her, so im not" and I went back to ask God some more questions. "Who am I? Who do you see me as? I HAVE to know, who am I really without the masks..." I listened while everyone was praying and all I heard was "You are My Leonidas (Spartan king), you are My warrior, you are a fighter, you are MINE and you will not sway for false prophts, you will not sway for lies, you will go boldly, without fear, into battle".....
I sat there for a second....uncomfortable with what i heard....I was afraid it was just me hearing what I wanted to hear. I was afraid it wasnt true, and if i told anyone what I heard, they would just laugh and think i was cocky. As soon as i thought this God hit me with the same thing again. The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and this time I saw an image with the word. It was me, in some crazy leather armor, standing on top on this cliff with this sword in my hand. But it wasnt the armor or location or sword that surprised me the most....it was the look on my face. I had ever seen anything like it. I was staring off into the distance, with this look of focus, this look as if i knew something that no one else knew, and I was so utterly confident and determined, and my gaze was focused on something. It was the complete opposite of they way i felt at the moment that it threw me offguard. I didnt feel any of those emotions. I was confused, I was questioning everything and didnt know what i believed. How could this image be true? Before I say what happened next, I'll post what I wrote in my journal leading up to this point, while everyone was praying and shouting:
"Lord, if I am to speak truth.....if that is Your calling on my life, you have to show me the truth first. You have to let me know truth Lord, and give me a boldnes to fight to declare it with confidence.
I find myself hardening myself to some things that im not sure about, and I want to believe what is true, so open my heart to be open to weird and different ways to be filled withYour Spirit.
Lord, You show me....and show me in the way You want. I refuse to fake it, Ive faked it before. This whole screaming thing....Lord, it doesnt stir my spirit. I want to be open to this...but ya know...Lord, my heart is hardened against this right now...I give you all access to this. Ive prayed that if You want this for me, then show me. They are asking people to "Give Him a shout to work with". This doesnt seem real to me Lord, So I'll go when you show me. Am I doing this wrong? Should I just fake it and go against what I'm feeling and then You will show up in that time?"
Those were my prayers before God gave me that image.
During the time God was speaking to me, my buddy, the same one who thinks the same thing I do about all this out of the box spiritual stuff had stood up and walked into the middle of the room. Without knowing what was going on I felt God just slam into me and I was no longer in control. My face immediately turned to him, and I felt this amazing confidence wash over me, and then my jaw loosened and I was no longer looking at Jarrod, I was looking INTO him, and then i started speaking in tongues.....it was the freakiest thing I have ever experienced. I was semi-conscious in the back of my mind, and i remember thinking "what in the world! I cant believe this is actually happening!"
The second God hit me and turned my face towards Jarrod, his legs started shaking, and he told me afterwards that his mouth went dry and his whole body went numb.
I'll share what I wrote afterwards, it pretty much sums up what was going through my head:
"I cant believe what just happened..... Jarrod stood in the middle of the group to receive this prayer. For everyone else, i didnt pray, I didnt feel anything, I refused to even act like I did. I just sat here silently and waited. When Jarrod went up.... I still cant believe this. I have never spoken in tongues, ever, every time I faked and used partial spanish words and thought really hard about which words I would say next so that they didnt sound like the words I just got done saying....but i started praying in tongues.....and this extreme confidence came over me, and i felt this knowing smile spread across my face, and I felt God give me an authority to speak in the language of angels! Freaked me out! Im still thinking "What the hell just happened?" But God gave me a gift so that He could use me. Man....this is crazy. Im still in disbelief! I have never had that happen before.... God was in me...my gaze (His gaze) was piercing Jarrod....and this beautiful tongue language was more than praying, it was declaring! It spoke with authority, it spoke with confidence, it spoke knowing it had power..... and I feel so amazingly strong...I have been given a new tool! My sword! God has left it with me.... it was like He came, took my hand and put a sword in it, showed me what it felt like, trained me, guided me with it, and showed me how to use it, and when it was finished....He left the sword with me! I can speak in tongues with confidence!! Thank You Lord!!
Another thing, when I was speaking in tongues... I wasn't speaking to Jarrod, I was declaring something, I was speaking to something in him, and something in him broke. I felt like I was leading him through prayer. It was when I let God work through me, that I was touched. God channeled through me, and left His mark on me!! Freaking wild, man.
(about ten minutes later i wrote this, sorry about the language)
Holy shit!! Another thing just hit me!!! Yesterday we were supposed to prophesy over each other and I got paired with Nic Barella. He told me that he saw a vision of me standing on top of a mountain, that I was climbing up, and that i needed tools to get there. That God is going to give me the tools needed to get to the top of this mountain, that i will need them. Before i spoke in tongues, I felt God reassuring me that I am his warrior, that I am special, that I am a leader. I didnt remember anything about Nic's prophesy at all, but I saw myself in this armor, sword in hand, at the top of this mountain with this confidence radiating over me! Today i received one of those tools! God IS preparing and equipping me!!"
All of this hit me so fast, i was totally not expecting any of this, and I actually didnt even really believe in most of it. One of the things i have noticed after that moment, is that I have changed. My prayer life in completely different...I cant explain it....its not emotional....but its very personal and intimate....its close. And its constant....we speak about everything.... You cant be touched by God like that, and not be affected.
Well, this post is getting REALLY long, and I have to kick off for now. I hope to tell you about the outreaches we are doing they are REALLY fruitful and God is doing some amazing things through our work here!
This weeks teaching has been on prayer, and two older women from Atlanta came to speak to us. I had heard a little bit about these women before they came. I was told that they have an incredible gift of prayer and prophesy. They had prayed for each of us by name and asked that God give them a word for each of us, before they knew anything about us except our name. They began the week by a "Lecture" on soaking in God's presence. They talked for about 10 minutes on just allowing ourselves to be in God's presence, and just listening for His voice. Then they turned on some soft music and we all sat there just listening to the music and praying silently for about 2 hours...but it went so fast...i was really really surprised. I usually cant sit there and pray for 2 hours, it drives me nuts, but this one was different. Then while we were praying, one of the women came up to me and started whispering this prayer in my ear...she was praying for healing in areas that I had NEVER told anyone here about...TOTALLY blew my mind! She was so accurate! I was freaking out.
After the soaking time they went around the room and told each of us the words that God had given them. As they went around the room giving everyone their individual words, I was getting goosebumps because the words they were giving to the other people were so right on...they were telling them things that i had seen happening in them too! Then they got to me, they told me what they had heard from God, and then two verses that God had given them for me, and the wrote it on a piece of paper from me. Here is what it said:
Nick Huber,
As I prayed for you, I felt the Lord describe you as an adventurer who is willing to risk for Him. You are in the process of discovering great and priceless treasure. You will not be disappointed in your quest.
"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God" Proverbs 2:1-5
"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" Colossians 2:2-3
When I read that, something stirred in me, but i just shrugged it off and thought nothing of it. All of these "soaking times" and "Prophesies" were a little sketchy to me. Lately my focus is to REALLY hear God, and not get swept away by emotion or lies that I've heard. I have been wanting to experience the TRUTH of God and not the "experience" of religion. The whole crying in prayer, speaking in tongues all the time, raising your hands in worship, speaking out a prophesy during lecture, listening to music and then getting filled with the Spirit and dancing these weird dances, "falling out" in the spirit when getting prayed for......all of these things were sketchy to me. I have seen too many people fake it, and i've faked it myself. I had made the decision that if these things were real, then I needed to feel God in it. I refused to pray out loud unless I felt God giving me a word or putting something on my heart to pray for. I refused to fake anything at all, or to allow myself to get caught up in the moment or in my emotions and "falling out in the spirit" or speaking in tongues when i knew it wasn't real. My cry had continually been "Lord....these people are getting so caught up in this thing....show me what is real, I cant do this stuff without questioning if its real or not...I need you to give me the understanding, show me what you see, show me what is real and what isnt real."
I was walking to the metro with one of the girls on my way home from the base. For a week now my headphones had been broken. Another guy's headphones broke the same time mine did, and he went out and bought some the next day. They cost him like $60. The electronics are SOO expensive here. Like 1 C battery costs like 4$. I had gone and looked at the headphones, and decided that I didnt have enough money to consider buying any, which meant I would spend the next 5 months with the iPod my brother gave me, and i couldn't listen to it. I had decided to just forget about it, and I was walking home a week later and then all of a sudden I felt like God told me I could get the headphones....i questioned it, "God...I cant afford this right now..." and all i felt was "I said its okay". So, weirded out, without saying a word i left the girl i was walking with and turned around and headed immediately to the nearest store, trying to figure out what had changed. I got to the store, and a girl was speaking to one of the clerks. She looked frustrated. I waited and he came and got the headphones for me after a few minutes and i walked to the counter to check-out. The girl saw me put the headphones on the counter and asked me if i was buying them. I said i was. She then asked if i could help her. I said yes, but still didn't have any clue what she needed, she just looked desperate. She then told me how she had bought some headphones, and they didnt work for her, and now she was trying to return them but they wouldnt let her because she needed to buy something else in the store to replace them, and they would only give her 80% of her money back. Somehow if I bought them in her name, and then gave her 10k Forint, it would help her out and i would still get the headphones for the same price. Well I was paying with a card and they wouldnt help us out by charging me extra and giving her cash. I told her to wait there, and left the store and walked to the nearest bank, and converted some money to the Hungarian Forint. When I returned and handed her the cash, she was so shocked and asked why i was in Budapest and how I spoke English, (because like NO ONE speaks english, we were the only ones in the store who did). I told her why I was in Budapest, and about my relationship with God....she was a little taken back at everything that I had done for her, and told me, "Today...i know that God sent you here just to help me...thank you". At that very second I understood why God had given me the permission to buy the headphones. It actually helped me too, I saved 1k Forint during that transaction also!
That was the end of the first day of lecture.
On Tuesday, Molly (the speaker) started class with....well, I'll show you what I wrote in my journal:
"
(Lecture) - Molly
Prayer
* Molly started out crying, saying the Holy Spirit is over her and she doesn't understand why. Okay, now she is bawling her eyes out. What does this mean Lord....now she is GROANING!....God, you have got to stop me from laughing. I'm about to lose it! I cant look at her. Father, show me what this means...why....Lord...what is this? What are you trying to say to us?
Romans 8:22 - Creation is groaning.
"
I wasn't sure what the heck she was doing by groaning, but it looked so stupid and so fake. I was just looking for some truth, I was tired of seeing fake things. After this, we all paired up with someone else and had to pray that God would give us a word or prophesy for the other person. I got paired up with Nic Barella, a thirty year old missionary who is on staff. He told me that God had given him a vision of me climbing a huge mountain, and I had gotten a little ways up it without any help, without any tools like rope and other climbing gear. He said that he felt like God was telling him that I had gotten a little ways on my own, but that God wanted me on top of this mountain, and that I was going to need certain tools to get to where God wanted me, and that God would begin giving me these tools.
It didn't really stir anything in me. I forgot about it later that day.
Wednesday is when things totally went crazy. God did some amazing things that turned my universe upside down. What happened was a lot of shouting. It was so weird to me, but they went around and prayed for anyone who wanted God to free their voice so they could shout and break the barrier that was preventing them from giving their whole voice to Him. They would stand in the middle of the room and get prayed for, and then all of a sudden bust out with these crazy screams and were crying and stuff. I thought the police would come because i was sure the neighbors were thinking we were sacrificing children or something. These bongo drums were playing, and it was just weird to me. We and another guy had just gotten done talking about how out of the box these women are, and how we were unsure how true a lot of this "spiritual" stuff really was. Neither of us had really spoken in tongues with any confidence that it was true. None of us were into this whole getting carried away with emotion and screaming or groaning. It was just...i dunno, it didnt seem right to me.
While everyone was taking turning getting prayed for, i just sat there asking God what in the world was going on. I had my head bowed in prayer while everyone else was yelling and praying out loud for the people and being crazy. I was searching for something solid, something real, I was looking for an answer from God. I raised my head once t pray for someone because everyone else was praying...but then I thought, "this is stupid...I dont feel led to pray for her, so im not" and I went back to ask God some more questions. "Who am I? Who do you see me as? I HAVE to know, who am I really without the masks..." I listened while everyone was praying and all I heard was "You are My Leonidas (Spartan king), you are My warrior, you are a fighter, you are MINE and you will not sway for false prophts, you will not sway for lies, you will go boldly, without fear, into battle".....
I sat there for a second....uncomfortable with what i heard....I was afraid it was just me hearing what I wanted to hear. I was afraid it wasnt true, and if i told anyone what I heard, they would just laugh and think i was cocky. As soon as i thought this God hit me with the same thing again. The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and this time I saw an image with the word. It was me, in some crazy leather armor, standing on top on this cliff with this sword in my hand. But it wasnt the armor or location or sword that surprised me the most....it was the look on my face. I had ever seen anything like it. I was staring off into the distance, with this look of focus, this look as if i knew something that no one else knew, and I was so utterly confident and determined, and my gaze was focused on something. It was the complete opposite of they way i felt at the moment that it threw me offguard. I didnt feel any of those emotions. I was confused, I was questioning everything and didnt know what i believed. How could this image be true? Before I say what happened next, I'll post what I wrote in my journal leading up to this point, while everyone was praying and shouting:
"Lord, if I am to speak truth.....if that is Your calling on my life, you have to show me the truth first. You have to let me know truth Lord, and give me a boldnes to fight to declare it with confidence.
I find myself hardening myself to some things that im not sure about, and I want to believe what is true, so open my heart to be open to weird and different ways to be filled withYour Spirit.
Lord, You show me....and show me in the way You want. I refuse to fake it, Ive faked it before. This whole screaming thing....Lord, it doesnt stir my spirit. I want to be open to this...but ya know...Lord, my heart is hardened against this right now...I give you all access to this. Ive prayed that if You want this for me, then show me. They are asking people to "Give Him a shout to work with". This doesnt seem real to me Lord, So I'll go when you show me. Am I doing this wrong? Should I just fake it and go against what I'm feeling and then You will show up in that time?"
Those were my prayers before God gave me that image.
During the time God was speaking to me, my buddy, the same one who thinks the same thing I do about all this out of the box spiritual stuff had stood up and walked into the middle of the room. Without knowing what was going on I felt God just slam into me and I was no longer in control. My face immediately turned to him, and I felt this amazing confidence wash over me, and then my jaw loosened and I was no longer looking at Jarrod, I was looking INTO him, and then i started speaking in tongues.....it was the freakiest thing I have ever experienced. I was semi-conscious in the back of my mind, and i remember thinking "what in the world! I cant believe this is actually happening!"
The second God hit me and turned my face towards Jarrod, his legs started shaking, and he told me afterwards that his mouth went dry and his whole body went numb.
I'll share what I wrote afterwards, it pretty much sums up what was going through my head:
"I cant believe what just happened..... Jarrod stood in the middle of the group to receive this prayer. For everyone else, i didnt pray, I didnt feel anything, I refused to even act like I did. I just sat here silently and waited. When Jarrod went up.... I still cant believe this. I have never spoken in tongues, ever, every time I faked and used partial spanish words and thought really hard about which words I would say next so that they didnt sound like the words I just got done saying....but i started praying in tongues.....and this extreme confidence came over me, and i felt this knowing smile spread across my face, and I felt God give me an authority to speak in the language of angels! Freaked me out! Im still thinking "What the hell just happened?" But God gave me a gift so that He could use me. Man....this is crazy. Im still in disbelief! I have never had that happen before.... God was in me...my gaze (His gaze) was piercing Jarrod....and this beautiful tongue language was more than praying, it was declaring! It spoke with authority, it spoke with confidence, it spoke knowing it had power..... and I feel so amazingly strong...I have been given a new tool! My sword! God has left it with me.... it was like He came, took my hand and put a sword in it, showed me what it felt like, trained me, guided me with it, and showed me how to use it, and when it was finished....He left the sword with me! I can speak in tongues with confidence!! Thank You Lord!!
Another thing, when I was speaking in tongues... I wasn't speaking to Jarrod, I was declaring something, I was speaking to something in him, and something in him broke. I felt like I was leading him through prayer. It was when I let God work through me, that I was touched. God channeled through me, and left His mark on me!! Freaking wild, man.
(about ten minutes later i wrote this, sorry about the language)
Holy shit!! Another thing just hit me!!! Yesterday we were supposed to prophesy over each other and I got paired with Nic Barella. He told me that he saw a vision of me standing on top of a mountain, that I was climbing up, and that i needed tools to get there. That God is going to give me the tools needed to get to the top of this mountain, that i will need them. Before i spoke in tongues, I felt God reassuring me that I am his warrior, that I am special, that I am a leader. I didnt remember anything about Nic's prophesy at all, but I saw myself in this armor, sword in hand, at the top of this mountain with this confidence radiating over me! Today i received one of those tools! God IS preparing and equipping me!!"
All of this hit me so fast, i was totally not expecting any of this, and I actually didnt even really believe in most of it. One of the things i have noticed after that moment, is that I have changed. My prayer life in completely different...I cant explain it....its not emotional....but its very personal and intimate....its close. And its constant....we speak about everything.... You cant be touched by God like that, and not be affected.
Well, this post is getting REALLY long, and I have to kick off for now. I hope to tell you about the outreaches we are doing they are REALLY fruitful and God is doing some amazing things through our work here!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Day 24, Budapest
Today we started a new week of lectures. Two women from Georgia spoke this morning about prayer, and it was amazing. They went around the room praying for each of us individually, and man...her prayer was RIGHT ON! Then they went and prophesied over us, and the prophesy was exactly the same thing that God had been showing me! I was totally freaking out! It was so crazy!
Another wild thing happened. A couple of days ago my head-phones broke to my Ipod. I went to check out new headphones, but here all electronics are really expensive, and I wasn't sure if God was okay with me spending money on something like that, since i dont have the money to pay for the rest of the outreach yet. I had decided that I couldn't buy them, and just decided to move on. Well, we were all leaving the base to go home after lecture, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I should go buy those headphones...i couldn't explain it, i just turned around and walked away from the group, and went the other direction towards a place I could buy the headphones. I felt like God had given me permission to get them, and I didnt think anything about it. When I walked in the store, a woman in her twenties was talking to a clerk in English....and i have seen like 1 person outside the school speak english in Hungary. I didnt know what she was talking about, but she seemed frustrated. I waited until she was done and asked the clerk to get the headphones from the case for me. When I brought them to the counter she looked at me and asked me if i was buying them. Confused, i looked at her and said yes. Then she asked me if I could buy them in her name and give her the money....or something really weird like that, it was complicated because she was trying to get a refund but they would only do it if she bought something else....i dunno, basically she was getting ripped off and she asked me to help her. I said it wasnt a problem. Then we find out that i cant give her money because I was paying in cash and they wouldnt run the bill over so I could give her cash....so i said "hold on" and ran to a back, withdrew cash, and came back. She was so surprised that I had gone so out of my way to help her. She was asking me questions about where I came from and what i was doing in Budapest. When I started to share with her about my faith, she had this look of disbelief on her face, and said, "Today, I know that God sent you here to help me, thank you". What an amazing experience, God totally blew me away man. I had gone to the store a few days ago and felt like I wasnt supposed to buy them, and then out of the blue i feel like its suddenly okay, and God puts me in a situation like that. He is just simply amazing.
I am really looking forward to this week of lectures! I love you guys, and thank you so much for your prayers! I would really like to hear from you all!
Another wild thing happened. A couple of days ago my head-phones broke to my Ipod. I went to check out new headphones, but here all electronics are really expensive, and I wasn't sure if God was okay with me spending money on something like that, since i dont have the money to pay for the rest of the outreach yet. I had decided that I couldn't buy them, and just decided to move on. Well, we were all leaving the base to go home after lecture, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I should go buy those headphones...i couldn't explain it, i just turned around and walked away from the group, and went the other direction towards a place I could buy the headphones. I felt like God had given me permission to get them, and I didnt think anything about it. When I walked in the store, a woman in her twenties was talking to a clerk in English....and i have seen like 1 person outside the school speak english in Hungary. I didnt know what she was talking about, but she seemed frustrated. I waited until she was done and asked the clerk to get the headphones from the case for me. When I brought them to the counter she looked at me and asked me if i was buying them. Confused, i looked at her and said yes. Then she asked me if I could buy them in her name and give her the money....or something really weird like that, it was complicated because she was trying to get a refund but they would only do it if she bought something else....i dunno, basically she was getting ripped off and she asked me to help her. I said it wasnt a problem. Then we find out that i cant give her money because I was paying in cash and they wouldnt run the bill over so I could give her cash....so i said "hold on" and ran to a back, withdrew cash, and came back. She was so surprised that I had gone so out of my way to help her. She was asking me questions about where I came from and what i was doing in Budapest. When I started to share with her about my faith, she had this look of disbelief on her face, and said, "Today, I know that God sent you here to help me, thank you". What an amazing experience, God totally blew me away man. I had gone to the store a few days ago and felt like I wasnt supposed to buy them, and then out of the blue i feel like its suddenly okay, and God puts me in a situation like that. He is just simply amazing.
I am really looking forward to this week of lectures! I love you guys, and thank you so much for your prayers! I would really like to hear from you all!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Day 23, Vienna (continued)
Wonderful! I have some time to share more about what we did in Vienna! As soon as we got off the train we went to a pizza place and got some lunch. Its amazing how different service is here. The servers in these countries act like they are mad that you are eating at their restaurants. lol. But we had a nice lunch and then headed straight to Starbucks.... The main streets in Vienna are so crowded, it looked like downtown New York, with expensive shops and tons of people. After we passed the busiest streets we started getting into the beautiful architecture and sculptures! There were so many sculptures of roman mythology, and we even saw the ruins of a Roman Fortress. It is a very cultural city, with lots of arts. There were many street performances. After hours of sightseeing we started to head back, only to realize that we didn't know where we were. lol. After about an hour of wandering around we managed to make our way back to the train station just in time to eat some gyros and hop on board.
Day 23, Vienna
I returned from Vienna late last night. The first thing the nine of us did was find the closest Starbucks. lol. Little comforts from home go a long way. While in Starbucks I struck up a conversation with a guy that sat at a table next to mine. We talked a little bit about the city and where he was from. I asked for his e-mail address so I could contact him in the future and noticed a small tattoo of the Masons on his wrist. I asked him about it and we talked a little bit about religion and the Masons. He seems like an open guy, and I think I will continue to talk to him....
My trainride home was an interesting one. I had 2hr 45min to spend on the train, and I knew most of the people would be sleeping, so I decided to separate myself from the group and really seek the Lord for that time. I went to the dining cabin (which was really nice and very quiet since no one else was there), ordered a drink, and began to record in my journal all that had happened that day. I had expectations for this time. I stopped writing, and began to pray. I prayed for about an hour, and then stopped and listened for His voice for about 20 minutes.....and heard nothing. I prayed again that whatever was standing in-between me and Him would be removed so I could hear Him, and still nothing.
Confused, I wondered what it would take to hear God. I looked up and saw a book I have been reading through, Is That Really You God? by Loren Cunningham sitting on the table infront of me. The subtitle said "Hearing the Voice of God". Sparked with interest, I opened up the book and picked up where I had left off, hoping that it wasn't a coincidence that I happened to have this book infront of me during a time when I was trying to hear the Lord. After reading for a while....nothing. I heard nothing....
Frustrated, I decided to go another route, I stopped praying and reading the book and remembered that sometimes God speaks to us through His word. I prayed a short prayer that He would speak to me through His word as I read, then opened my Bible and began slowly reading through Romans 12-15. Afterwards, still I heard nothing..... Our arrival in Budapest was approaching, and I paid the server on my way back to my cabin. I was a little disappointed, but still determined to hear Him.
When we got home late at night, I hopped on my laptop and read a couple e-mails. I heard three knocks on the glass door next to me....but no one was there, and my roommate didnt hear anything. I shrugged it off, but then immediately thought, "What if that was God trying to get your attention." I stood up and walked out into the freezing weather in my t-shirt and bare feet, i look around for a second and then walked about 15 meters towards the back of the yard, kneeled down, and listened...hoping to hear Him. After about a minute of silence, I heard a car horn sound twice on the other side of the house, thinking this could possibly be the Lord trying to get my attention again I hurried around the other side of the house to find.......nothing at all. Feeling a little awkward and confused I walked back in to my computer, shut it down and went to bed, wondering why I had done all that.
As I sit here this morning, looking back at the events last night, I think God is beginning to show me how hungry I am to hear His word and guidance, and how sometimes I will need to step out into the "illogical" places and situations to hear Him. I think there is more to the events last night that God will show me. I have this feeling that I just went through a training phase, and God is preparing me for something that I have no knowledge about yet.....
I'm going to get my day started here, and do some homework that is due tonight. Hopefully I can get back here and tell you all more about the time in Vienna, and possibly an overview of what I learned this week.
My trainride home was an interesting one. I had 2hr 45min to spend on the train, and I knew most of the people would be sleeping, so I decided to separate myself from the group and really seek the Lord for that time. I went to the dining cabin (which was really nice and very quiet since no one else was there), ordered a drink, and began to record in my journal all that had happened that day. I had expectations for this time. I stopped writing, and began to pray. I prayed for about an hour, and then stopped and listened for His voice for about 20 minutes.....and heard nothing. I prayed again that whatever was standing in-between me and Him would be removed so I could hear Him, and still nothing.
Confused, I wondered what it would take to hear God. I looked up and saw a book I have been reading through, Is That Really You God? by Loren Cunningham sitting on the table infront of me. The subtitle said "Hearing the Voice of God". Sparked with interest, I opened up the book and picked up where I had left off, hoping that it wasn't a coincidence that I happened to have this book infront of me during a time when I was trying to hear the Lord. After reading for a while....nothing. I heard nothing....
Frustrated, I decided to go another route, I stopped praying and reading the book and remembered that sometimes God speaks to us through His word. I prayed a short prayer that He would speak to me through His word as I read, then opened my Bible and began slowly reading through Romans 12-15. Afterwards, still I heard nothing..... Our arrival in Budapest was approaching, and I paid the server on my way back to my cabin. I was a little disappointed, but still determined to hear Him.
When we got home late at night, I hopped on my laptop and read a couple e-mails. I heard three knocks on the glass door next to me....but no one was there, and my roommate didnt hear anything. I shrugged it off, but then immediately thought, "What if that was God trying to get your attention." I stood up and walked out into the freezing weather in my t-shirt and bare feet, i look around for a second and then walked about 15 meters towards the back of the yard, kneeled down, and listened...hoping to hear Him. After about a minute of silence, I heard a car horn sound twice on the other side of the house, thinking this could possibly be the Lord trying to get my attention again I hurried around the other side of the house to find.......nothing at all. Feeling a little awkward and confused I walked back in to my computer, shut it down and went to bed, wondering why I had done all that.
As I sit here this morning, looking back at the events last night, I think God is beginning to show me how hungry I am to hear His word and guidance, and how sometimes I will need to step out into the "illogical" places and situations to hear Him. I think there is more to the events last night that God will show me. I have this feeling that I just went through a training phase, and God is preparing me for something that I have no knowledge about yet.....
I'm going to get my day started here, and do some homework that is due tonight. Hopefully I can get back here and tell you all more about the time in Vienna, and possibly an overview of what I learned this week.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Day 21, Budapest
We finished our week of evangelism lecture. I was so impressed with the way Adam presented evangelism.
Coffe House was last night, and it was packed. Some of the people from the street outreach came! Afterwards some of us went to get gyros and hung out. I'll tell you guys a little bit more about the Coffee House outreach later.
I was able to call some of you last night! I still dont miss home though, lol. It was great talking to you guys.
I would like to give you guys an overview of the teaching this week, and I might do that Sunday, but right now I'm rushing out of the house to catch the next train to Vienna Austria, where I will spend my weekend. I love hearing from you guys, and I'll post soon
Coffe House was last night, and it was packed. Some of the people from the street outreach came! Afterwards some of us went to get gyros and hung out. I'll tell you guys a little bit more about the Coffee House outreach later.
I was able to call some of you last night! I still dont miss home though, lol. It was great talking to you guys.
I would like to give you guys an overview of the teaching this week, and I might do that Sunday, but right now I'm rushing out of the house to catch the next train to Vienna Austria, where I will spend my weekend. I love hearing from you guys, and I'll post soon
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